Cramming

Thanksgiving break was interesting, food was good, former home is precious, fantastic to see EVERYONE, time for homework, almost finals, then HOME, strictly the facts. FYI: I am feeling fantabulous, cuz God is my strength.

Grieving

Today, I finally let some of it out. And, when I did I thought: I am going to blog about this. Isn't that sick? I should have just cried not analyzed. Anyhow, I let tears swell and fall for my home is not the same. I know this is fine and what God was leading our family to do, but I can still be upset and sad and miss what I can no longer have. I am upset that God has yet to provide a stable job with health benefits and as a result stress is high and therefore so is tension in relationships and guess who feels it keenly? Patric, poor little guy, but he can work at rising above and seeking help and friendship, because he is strong, like that . Anyways, I actually simply missed stability and really not so much my family but literally the physical house and the creek and the climbing tree, great, now I am tearing up again.
This is retarded, I already moved out last year when I moved to college. I guess it is so extremely different. I am homesick for a home that does not exist. I just want to run around the yard and not feel like I am a Grandma's house. I wan to be at my house. Where is that? Overall, this has been a relief crying about the whole situation. It is like I have found a major contributor to my unstable emotional state; I began to solve the puzzle. I am really looking forward to Christmas time with everyone I miss you so so much. But, I am really really scared that it is going to be a big high stress and tension time and not enjoyable. So I am torn whether or not I am looking forward to this upcoming time. So, siblings, if you can, try to be kind to each other and our parents. Great, now my face is a salty mess again. I love you all so much. Only 24 days until I get to see you.

Two topics only one blog

I simply want to say: America, hang up the phone and talk! Get off-line and communicate with your housemates! Dare to make eye-contact, and scarier yet, smile AND if you can handle it, say hello.

Next topic: I feel I do not need a man in my life at this time. In fact I have never really felt I must be married some day. And I do not feel nor have I ever felt I need a man to affirm me in who I am. Sure, I want them to notice me and be impressed. That's about it. These ideas sprout out of the Relationship Seminar we are having on campus right now. The speaker today, spoke of her need to be loved by a male, prior to her relationship with Christ. I feel like I have always had a father and three brothers who, although they may not say it, love me. They even defend and protect me when they need to. Is this healthy? I think so. I know that their love and the love of any maybe husband of the future would be quite different, but I think, because of my brother's and of course God's love I honestly can say that right this moment I don't need to have a man infatuated with me (nor a woman for that matter).

Longfellow's The Children's Hour

Between the dark and the daylight,
When the night is beginning to lower,
Comes a pause in the day's occupations,
That is known as the Children's Hour.

I hear in the chamber above me
The patter of little feet,
The sound of a door that is opened,
And voices soft and sweet.

From my study I see in the lamplight,
Descending the broad hall stair,
crave Alice, and laughing Allegra,
And Edith with golden hair.

A whisper, and then a silence:
Yet I know by their merry eyes
They are plotting and planning together
To take me by surprise.

A sudden rush from the stairway,
A sudden raid from the hall!
By three doors left unguarded
They enter my castle wall!

They climb up into my turret
O'er the arms and back of my chair;
If I try to escape, they surround me;
They seem to be everywhere.

They almost devout me with kisses,
Their arms about me entwine,
Till I think of the Bishop f Begin
In his Mouse-Tower on the Rhine!

Do you think, O blue-eyed banditti,
Because you have scaled the wall,
Such an old moustache as I am
Is not a match for you all!

I have you fast in my fortress,
And will not let you depart,
But put you down into the dungeon
In the round-tower of my heart.

And there will I keep you forever,
Yes, forever and a day,
Till the walls shall crumble to ruin,
And moulder in dust away!

School

Why? What on earth has made me care so much about school? I mean I do enjoy learning, and studying, and doing well. But, grades they truly are not really important, so what makes them make me feel so accomplished? Or do I altruistically love to learn?

Speaking in Tongues

That's right, the issue that won't die, well at least not at an A/G school. My views are changing. For the first time in my whol e life I have heard what I think the original docrine was really trying to say: Speaking in Tongues is the physical evidence. Not to say you are not filled with the Holy Spirit just because you don't speak in tongues. But rather tongues is a physical manifestation of the Holy Spirit. I don't know. I think the doctrine has been twisted. Doctirne is just a fancy word for teaching, did you know that? All I know for certain is the best activity we can do is seek God, in His word and in prayer, you know, that two way friendship conversation. I feel at peace not being certain about the Tongues isssue (at least at this moment). I don't know if this is something I just want to suddenly figure out, I think I would rather wrestle with the it.

a few things looking BRIGHTER

Next semester I get to have 8 hours working as an America reads Tutor. As a result I will only have to work 7 hours in the deli, and the only shift I absolutely love is 7 hours on Sunday Night. Hopefully, I will be able to keep those hours. I figured out most of my homework for the rest of the semester; it will be tight, but very doable.

By the way, my elephant is lovingly known as Langston George Thanks for the Suggestions.

So, now it is off to the homework scheduled out for today.

Love to you