Grieving
Today, I finally let some of it out. And, when I did I thought: I am going to blog about this. Isn't that sick? I should have just cried not analyzed. Anyhow, I let tears swell and fall for my home is not the same. I know this is fine and what God was leading our family to do, but I can still be upset and sad and miss what I can no longer have. I am upset that God has yet to provide a stable job with health benefits and as a result stress is high and therefore so is tension in relationships and guess who feels it keenly? Patric, poor little guy, but he can work at rising above and seeking help and friendship, because he is strong, like that . Anyways, I actually simply missed stability and really not so much my family but literally the physical house and the creek and the climbing tree, great, now I am tearing up again.
This is retarded, I already moved out last year when I moved to college. I guess it is so extremely different. I am homesick for a home that does not exist. I just want to run around the yard and not feel like I am a Grandma's house. I wan to be at my house. Where is that? Overall, this has been a relief crying about the whole situation. It is like I have found a major contributor to my unstable emotional state; I began to solve the puzzle. I am really looking forward to Christmas time with everyone I miss you so so much. But, I am really really scared that it is going to be a big high stress and tension time and not enjoyable. So I am torn whether or not I am looking forward to this upcoming time. So, siblings, if you can, try to be kind to each other and our parents. Great, now my face is a salty mess again. I love you all so much. Only 24 days until I get to see you.
posted by Emilia Thee Great @ 2:36 PM
8 Comments:
don't say retarded
why not? Do you mean that this isn't retarded or that you just don't like it when people say retarded or only that I don't get to say.
it is socially unacceptable, because the situation isn't retarded. sorry that you miss everyone/everything.
i think your beginning to understand how i feel. Home is home and that's the only thing to it. If i were to move in with Peter in WI I would miss my family. But staying our here is like missing my friends. I can't win and I am beginning to realize that.
Eventually, we all will readjust to life as it is now. New Friends, but always the same family.
I must be sick in the head. I miss the family, but I don't reall ymiss my old home. I guess because I havent't seen it in about a year , two years since I lived in it. I care alot more about the people in it, I just have a hard time getting attached to places.
I know I'm sick in the head. I don't really miss anybody... and I never really missed the house. I feel like the family never really left. I know what's up with everybody via blogs and phone conversations with misc. people. I don't know. I guess maybe it is because I don't really have any emotions or feelings that I don't miss anybody. The world is small and getting smaller. What is there to miss, everyone is only a phone call away or instant message away or blog away. But that is really were my rant about a month ago really came from. Feeling like the odd one out. Like I'm the only one who doesn't miss the whole family being together. I guess maybe I'm just a huge jerk. blarg
you should not feel like jerk. it's not your fault. Most of the people who make up this family are sentimental (i believe the word is) shumoootz? (That's Sh-a-moo-tz)
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